Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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