forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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