so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
