omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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