Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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