This girl is more easily done than said...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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