I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
