I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
