I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
