I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
