do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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