I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
