dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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