Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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