I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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