after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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