This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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