girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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