Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
