well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
vagina is talking i cant
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
