Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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