he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
