so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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