and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
