A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
