Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
