My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
