I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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