i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize