I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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