trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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