dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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