You're completely useless in the revolution.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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