I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
