"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
