You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and she was petting her beer can
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
