I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
