I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize