a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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