i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
