Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
