Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
