i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
