I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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