Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
