I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
