We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
