Screwed.edu
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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