I should be sponsored by Trojan
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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