I'd wear matching sweaters with you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
