I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
