Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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