and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
