I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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