so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
