This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
