just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
