This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
