i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
