just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
