My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
