i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
