Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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