I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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