I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
