DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
