Cold hands, warm shart.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
