maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
