I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize