You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
