I think I won the penis lottery.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
