We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
