"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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