I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
