Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
