12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
