My friends, they love my intelligence
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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