She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
