the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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