Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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